First I want to summit that you cannot change anybody without their consent and cooperation.

We all have one or two persons we wish could become better in one area o life and behaviour or the other. Be it a child,a spouse a friend an employee etc

A drunkard husband, a nagging wife, delinquent juvenile, an underperforming employee or what have you. Some of our people are good behaved but for one or two bad habits we may wish they dropped.

We try many things to force people to change for the  better, bribe, threat, pep talks, advise, encouragements and even punishments but they have not worked for some of them.

Changing humans is one of the most difficult and frustrating, just like you know how difficult it is to change yourself even with beautiful yearly resolutions.

The worse about trying to manipulate people to change or do anything for that matter is that we become annoying and overbearing, forcing them to the extreme of a fixed heart.

Once a person decides not to change, that is final. until we get them to cooperate with you in the process whether knowingly or unknown to them you won't be making any progress changing them for good.

The key is  to make them want to change on their own and do it as their idea these keys that will make anybody decide to change on their own and work on it with personally without feeling pressured by you to change. This works all the time as research has proven

    Chances are high that this person is important to you, your loved one. They are "yours" and you need to love and accept them but not with their current performance.

I understand how much you want them to change as it will s for their own good even if its of benefits to you too. But people need to be loved and accepted without conditions. Just because they are "yours".

Unconditionally love is they kind of environment where effortless change is possible

You need to accept him as a person not their behavior or failure. Do not make their changing for good a condition for them to be loved and accepted by you. Give them love first of will foster change.

Make it known that you want them to change, however they are accepted as they are because they are yours. Children especially thrive in an atmosphere of unearned unconditionally love and acceptance. Everyone still has that craving for love despite our failures and weaknesses.

Most probably they already want to change, they know how detrimental the behavior is to their life as well as their relationship with you and other people. They most certainly are making efforts to become better, but they do not want you to keep drumming it into their ears how much of a failure they are.

They beat themselves up already each time they fail, they do not want you to become their conscience and God. You cannot afford to become another reminder of their pain and failures.

Parents do this and drive their children crazy to the point of hardening their heart against any change whatsoever

It is not an easy thing to love then while they are still not changed but trust me, that is your Best shot at changing them. It will be magical how in response to your unconditionally love they change for the better, what has taken them forever to decide.

No human has a shield that protects them from love--  E.W Kenyon.

If you live them genuinely, they will be melted, the will be broken, they will become better without knowing what changed them and how it happened. Love is a strong changer.

    This one is even more tasking than just accepting them. You have to believe that they will change and give them the opportunity to. It involves taking a risk

Believe in them. Believe it even when they do not believe in their ability to change. They may think they are doomed to that pattern, they need a second opinion, a better opinion which you should provide by believing in them.

If you keep believing and showing them that you believe, they will ultimately want to give you attention. They will think about your validation and want to see the veracity of if.

Much more than believe, you must trust them. And this is why this is risky because trust is earned and by their previous actions they have not earned your trust.

You are trusting them now as an investment in their change, remember they may break your trust a few times that's is why it is a risk.

A few times they may disappoint your expectations before they finally change but you must trust the process enough to risk trusting them with they very opportunity they have always failed at.

This  means alot to them. It means you have not given up on them even if they have given up on themselves. This takes tenacity that could termed foolish by  some. Believing in the impossible. You could be the only one that still believes

Believing is followed by actions that show what you believe, act consistently with your convictions that they are inherently good people who make poor choices and can unmake  those choices.

People tend to live up to the position or character ascribed to them. When a thief is called a noble man mistakenly and consistently he begins to leave up to that good.

When people perceive you see them as good people, they work never to disappoint you. This is the secret of mothers over their children and women over their very bad boy lovers.

If you project honesty to a renowned liar, even if mistakenly or knowingly, he will begin to see himself in that light as a honest person who probably has been failing in that field and eventually make up his mind to straighten up. If you constantly call a child a failure or your husband a drunkard, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. They will not disappoint you either, but call a drunkard sober and he will prove his sobriety to you.

Live a fulfilled life. Live joyfully.


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